As I sat in a church service this morning, I had hoped just showing up would put me in a position to hear something, anything! To be transparent, we’ve been “church Gypsies” for a while now. Partially due to our unique circumstances and trying to find a fit, but also due to some heartbreak. We are merely trying to be faithful for now to just come, and let God lead our hearts to safety.

I’ve been in my own desert spiritually. But, in our journey I have opportunities to see the deep spiritual things of God more than most, which makes it so weird that so battle to trust God. I see the Holy Spirit move in mysterious ways. In this video below, I believe this moment was one of them. I wept as I listened to the words. I listened over and over.

Don’t think for a second other thoughts weren’t crossing my mind. “Maybe Matthew just likes the sound of his voice, maybe he’s having seizure activity, maybe he’s just happy to be out and around people.”

I had a deep consideration that it was much more than any of those thing happening. I believe that Matthew was being ministered to/cared for by the Spirit. He was hearing truths about God that He needed just as much as I do. I forget often that God isn’t just giving us what we need to care for our boys, but He is giving them things to endure their life that I could not possibly imagine and are very much unseen. When people look at our boys and our family, you can’t help but see God if you look closely. God is near to the broken-hearted and He will not snuff out a barely lit wick or break a bruised wreed. Jesus came to suffer and meet those who are in great need. He gave His life to love.

To be honest, my pain has buried me in confusion and some jadedness over the last couple of years. I have had nowhere to run from the pain of my grief and have not had much to say to God at times. I have tried to find a way out with my own wisdom and will but it stays the same. I’m dumbfounded that God still gives me breath sometimes and even more…pursues my heart. Me AND my boy needed A PEP TALK FROM HEAVEN today to remember our purpose. Pray for my boy! He is doing HARD things. I’m honored to be my children’s life guardian and mother.

Faith is and spirituality are simple additives to one’s life, but Jesus is a whole other level. He will ask you to give your very life. He won’t settle for anything less than all of you.

#sufferstrong #hopeheals #Jesus #specialneedsmom #CerebralPalsy #Epilepsy #visionimpairment #medicaltrauma

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